


Dying to Live

by AgentCodywolf



Series: Star Wars: My Clone Days [3]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-15
Updated: 2013-10-28
Packaged: 2017-12-08 13:56:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/762101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentCodywolf/pseuds/AgentCodywolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you haven't feared, you haven't lived. Cody is a dead man walking, unsure about his future but knowing his past will come to kill him someday. This is the tale of how it finally catches him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It takes a lot to ruin a man's life. It takes a whole lot more to just kill him. Cody was finding that out the hard way.

He stared down at the hissing blue blade, felt the burning prinprick on his stomach, and wished he had kept his armor with him on this trip. Yes, he was done with the Empire, with Palpatine, with Skywalker, with the pain, but he still had his armor. He'd changed it, made it more personal for him, painted it black with dull orange stripes. Made it more…empty. He'd left one year to the hour that he had ordered his men to shoot his best friend, one year that he had killed Kenobi.

One year to when he had destroyed himself.

He had left for his own sanity. His men had deserted long before he had, being smarter than him and all. They had tried to tell him, tried to warn him, but he had been gone then, dead.

The blue blade against his stomach had brought him back.

He still could hear the screams of Kenobi's mount, see the blood and guts and limbs and debree fall down into the abyss, still feel the way it had felt as his heart deserted him. Kenobi hadn't been the only one killed that day. His entire family had been massacred.

At least….that's what he had thought. Then, two months after Meds had left, he'd gotten a message from the one being he had never thougth he would hear from. A Jedi.

You can still save yourself.

Could he still save himself, after everything he had done?

You aren't alone anymore.

He wasn't so sure, but the messages had kept coming. Finally, he had done it. He had stolen a ship from the Executor and ran. Ran as fast as he could away from what was left of a horrible nightmare….and into another.

For six months, he had wandered the galaxy, waiting for another message, taking on bounties here and there, making a little money.

Then…..it had come.

He had doen exactly what it had told him to do. He'd come unarmed, his armor safely stowed on his ship and walked into the bar next to the deserted port. He'd sat there, at the bar, for hours, just waiting.

Then…..they had come.

He heard them moving outside and in the shadows. He'd thought nothing of it. He'd stop fearing death a year and a half ago. What he wasn't expecting was the blade that was now burning a small hole through his shirt or the face that looked at him now, hate and anger and…loss written in his eyes.

Cody had felt his heart beat for the first time at that point.

If you feared nothing, you wouldn't be alive.

He hadn't feared anything for the past year and a half. He hadn't lived. The beings standing around him just watched the figure in front of him, waiting, their once familiar faces now cold. The being finally spoke.

"Why?"


	2. Chapter 2

Obi-wan watched the man enter the abandoned bar, filled with mixed emotions. He was...happy that this man was alive, relieved even that he had survived this long...but there was also pain, anger towards this man. He had been betrayed by one of his closest friends...he couldn't believe that after everything, this man would order his men to kill Obi-wan Kenobi...

Obi-wan shook his head, this was not the time nor the place to think about such things. This man...could he be called a man anymore...he didn't feel like a man in the Force, more like an empty shell with a little spark of life buried so deep it was almost impossible to find...This man held the answers for those who were with Obi-wan. He could provide the insight to what his companions were planning.

Yet...why did the man feel so empty? Rex had mentioned, why Obi-wan had first come into contact with him, that things had changed for the clones, that there were fewer of them. Those who had stayed...had become more machine than man. Meds had said that Cody hadn't talked since it had happened expect the harsh bark of an order. Was this Cody feeling remorse, feeling guilty for what he had done? Had part of him died when he thought he had killed Obi-wan. He knew that from the reports of the clones he had spoke to that Order 66 had been trained into them through their flashtraining, that they only remembered it when the order was given, that very few of them had been able to resist the urge to shoot.

Obi-wan thought back to when he had first come to this bar, well over a year ago. He'd had been in contact with Bail for sometime and he had informed Obi-wan that a few people were going to be meeting here...people he might know. When he had walked in, it would be putting it nicely to say he had been surprised. He had been overwhelmed by all those familar faces, those familar personalities. Kota, Barriss, Fives, Rex, Ahsoka, Oddball, Kit, Echo. That first time had been a time to heal, to find out what each other had been up to, to reconnect. They started meeting quite often. Obi-wan would come whenever he could. As the meetings progressed, more and more would show up. Meds had been the last clone to arrive and along with him had been the finally peice of their puzzle. The meetings had gone from reminicing to rebellion. Plans were made and executed, a few of the group disappeared, some new ones showed up. It wasn't until they had been contacted by Bly seven months earlier that things had taken a turn down this new path.

Bly had told them about the goings on within the Empire, how the clones were being treated...how Cody had been demoted. Of course, he wasn't Cody anymore. He had reverted back to being called by his number. Private CC-2224...Cody would never had let that happen.

That had stirred something in all of them, but more so Barriss... she had informed them at the next meeting, two weeks later, that she had contacted Cody...and then Bly contacted them...Cody had deserted. Not just deserted, either. He had killed a few stormtroopers in a shoot out before stealing Darth Vader's personal shuttle off the Executor and flew away. Obi-wan had had the strongest urge to reprimand Barriss, but Rex had spoken first.

"Maybe he's still got a heart."

After a lot of thought, Obi-wan had asked Barriss for Cody's com number and then sent him a message. He had given him a time, date, and place. Then, he had waited and his patience had been rewarded...and punished. A small part of him that this man would not come, that he would stay away or even that he was dead somewhere as to ease his burden ever so slightly...but that would also burden his heart even more for he would believe that maybe he could have saved him somehow.

Obi-wan shook his head, it was time to clear his head. It was time...to go face his future. He spoke into his comlink.

"Move in."


	3. Chapter 3

Barriss watched the man enter the bar, her heart light and free for the first time in years. She had missed him, missed his smiles, his shy ways, his nervous actions around her. The thing she had missed the most, though, was the way Obi-wan seemed to light up whenever he was around. She hadn't seen the light in Obi-wan in a long time. He'd get it watching Cody talk to his men, like that of a father proudly watching his son lead his buddies into a water fight against the older boys in the neighborhood.

"Move in,"Obi-wan's voice came over the comm, clipped and short, like back during the wars. She knew, though, that it was only a mask. She stood and moved from her hiding spot, following the others. In front was Obi-wan, Kota and Mace. Both had become slightly protective of Obi-wan since he had come to them. He had been different that day, colder, more withdrawn. He wasn't the man they had all come to trust. Part of him had died the day Order 66 had been given. Mace and Kota had tried to make up for it. Mace did it because he needed something to do and he had kinda become the father figure of hte group ever since Yoda had disappeared,. They all knew he wasn't dead, he just wasn't with them. Kota had taken on the jobe because...well, she really didn't know why. Kota had never gotten along very well with Obi-wan, both covering the opposite ends of a very large spectrum. Obi-wan had stood up for the Clones, had risked his neck day in and day out to protect his squad. Kota had done everything in his power to slam the clones, to terminate them from the galaxy. Neither had gotten their wishes granted.

Barriss was one of the last of them to slip into the bar, the darkness broken by a blue blade help to the man's stomach. Barriss pressed a hand to her mouth. The man sitting at the empty bar was not the man she had...fallen in love with. He was nothing but a shell now, nothing left of the spark that had set him apart from his brothers. His eyes were cast downward at the blue blade, no life left in the once intense brown eyes. There was a little surprise on his face, but other than that there was no other emotion in his entire body. The blue blade had burned a hole through the threadbare shirt that covered his once broad frame. His pants were one day away from tatters. Barriss was sure that he had a minor burn on his stomach, but he didn't seem to notice.

A quiet, deadly voice filled the void in the room as Barriss slowly moved forward,"Why?"

Barriss came to stand by Obi-wan, resting a hand on his arm as Kota stood in front of the man she had once known as Cody, his blue blade inches from slicing his body in half. The man didn't even flinch at the question, just slowly lifted his head, his eyes, so empty, seeing her, Kota, and Obi-wan. Then, his eyes closed and he slumped forward, Kota just barely getting his blade out of the way as he fell to the ground. Barriss didn't think, she rushed forward, kneeling by the man's side, resting a hand on his arm, then jerking it back. His arm burned her, wet with sweat as he shook slightly. Barriss took a quick breath, telling herself that this man needed her help now, not later and rested her hand once again on his arm and closed her eyes, reaching out with the Force, checking his body over. Infection was eating away at his body, attempting to kill him, to swallow him whole from wounds that had been left untreated. Who knows how long this had gone on for. Barriss shook her head before laying her other hand on his and hunching forward, her hands glowing blue. She didn't know how much time she had. She was stopped by a firm hand gripping her arm, surprising her. Kota leaned over her, his eyes hard,"Not here."

"He could die!" Barriss growled, shrugging his hand away.

"Troopers are on their way here, Barriss," Rex moved forward, shoving Kota away from Barriss. "We'll load him up and then you can work your voodo on him."

"Oh," Barriss dropped her head, glad it was dark in the room to hide her blush. There was movement and Obi-wan moved forward, silent as he knelt next to his former commander and easily lifted his thin frame into his arms. He didn't say a word, just moved through crowd and out of the bar. Barriss glanced at Rex, Kota and Mace before standing and following, Ahsoka falling into step next to her as she left the bar. Together, they followed the silent Jedi onto the former commander's ship. At that moment, words could not describe what was going on in any of their minds. At that moment, the only word that came relatively close was redemption.


	4. Chapter 4

"Barriss, you need to rest,"Ahsoka gently pulled her friend's hands off the man lieing on the bed before them. It had been two days since they had left the abandoned bar, Rex steering...Cody's ship. She had to call him that, not traitor. This man had nearly let his guilt kill him, she couldn't blame him -wan hadn't spoken since he had carried Cody onto the ship, just sat there in the corner, legs crossed as he watched Barriss work. Rex and Kota would pop in occasionally, but mostly stayed up in the bridge, talking quietly to each other. Last Ahsoka heard was that they were slowly making their way to a rebel base somewhere on Utapau. Ahsoka didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing. That was the last place Obi-wan and Cody had seen each other. All she could hope for was that they would heal...together.

Barriss lifted her head up, rolling her shoulders back as her exhausted eyes looked up at her fellow Jedi. There were dark circles under eyes, nearly making her tattoos disappear. She shook her head, sitting back on her heals as she took in the man before him,"I've almost got the infection in check."

Ahsoka knew that was almost true, Barriss had been slaving over Cody the entire time, just battling the infection and other illnesses that had taken residence in the clone's body. Ahsoka also knew that if Barriss did not rest soon, she wouldn't be able to help any of them with the simplest of scratches. She gently pulled Barriss up,"Obi-wan can watch him. He hasn't left the room yet, but you need to rest. Cody is not going anywhere."

"But.."Barriss looked down at the injuried clone. Injuried didn't even seem to break the surface of what she saw before her. He was completely naked beneath the blanket she had laid over him. He was well underweight to start with. Cuts, burns, and contusions crisscrossed his body. Bones had been allowed to mend improperly. Sores covered the bottom of his feet. His trigger finger was useless for everything but pulling a trigger now. His lift hand was forced into a permant curl do to arthritis. He had a prosthetic now on his right leg covering his lower leg that was too small, leaving what was left of his knee infected and damaged. And that didn't even cover half of it. There was so much work left to do, but as soon as they got to Utapau, Luminara could help. All Barriss needed to do was get him there, but being her normal self, she had to do more. She had to heal him completely, even if that ment killing herself.

"He will be fine, Barriss,"Obi-wan finally broke his silence, shifting a little in his corner. "I will watch him. You must rest or you will do him no good."

"But..." Barriss dropped her head and let Ahsoka lead her out of the room. Obi-wan watched them go before standing and moving out the shadows, coming to stand over his fallen friend. Obi-wan took in his appearence. He had a grimace etched into his features. Obi-wan almost smiled, the scar was still there, the scar that had set Cody apart from his men. Obi-wan still remembered how Cody had gotten it.

Geonosis, shortly after Dooku's disappearence,

_Obi-wan grimaced as one of the feild medics probed the wound on his leg. He had been set up on a makeshift bed, just till the transport came back after dropping Anakin and some of the more seriously injuried clones on the medical frigate. Mace and Yoda had left some time ago, going with some squads of clones to go over the damage from the battle and see what they could find. They had left a young looking Captain and some of his men to watch over those waiting for the last transport. The Captain didn't stand with his men, didn't talk to them, just poured over the maps and info that was coming in. Obi-wan watched him, taking his mind off of the needle the doctor was preparing to stab into him. The Captain looked up, looking at Obi-wan, no, looking past Obi-wan. It was so hard to tell sometimes with those damm helmets. Obi-wan glanced over his shoulder as the Captain started to bark out orders,"We have a sandstorm on its way in. Lets get packed up and into shelter. The transport isn't gonna try to land till this clears out. Move!"_

_The doctor started grumbling as he finished up with Obi-wan, quickly wrapping a bandage around the wound,"Try not to move too much. I've got others that I need to look over."_

_"I understand,"Obi-wan nodded as he stood. "Just do you job, thats all I ask."_

_"Yeah, but he's asking for almost the impossible,"the doc grumbled as he walked away, shooting a glare at the Captain. If the clone noticed, he didn't show it, just worked along side his men to get everything packed up. Obi-wan limped over as the man was ordering his men to go help the wounded,"What's the situation?"_

_The man glanced over his shoulder before quickly coming to attention,"Sir, we have a large sandstorm blowing in from the southern hemisphere. It will be here in about an hour. There's some cliffs about five minutes walk from here,"He gestured toward the rock formations,"That we can take shelter in. I've already sent men to scout them out."_

_"Good. How long till everyone is ready to move?"_

_The man glanced over at the doctor, who had moved over by them. He sighed,"Now. We're ready now."_

_"Good, lets get out of here,"Obi-wan nodded, a small smile tugging at his face. These clones sure were efficent._

_"Do you need help, sir?" The Captain looked Obi-wan over._

_Obi-wan blinked, staring at the man,"What? Ah, no, I can handle a little walking."_

_"Alright, sir," but the Captain stayed right beside him the entire way and Obi-wan was thankful for it when he almost fell down a very large dune. The Captain quickly snagged his arm, throwing it over his shoulder while wrapping his arm around Obi-wan's waist. He didn't say anything, just kept moving, leading their ragtag band to where two scouts were waiting by a small opening. They saluted as the Captain moved up,"Sir, it gets pretty big inside here. The small opening should keep most of the sand out, but let us get everything inside."_

_"Good, get everyone inside," the Captain nodded, letting Obi-wan lean against the cliff. Again, he didn't say anything as he let everyone else inside first, waiting to take the Jedi in until after the scouts had moved inside. They had been right, it was big inside. They could land a Star Cruiser in here if they could find an opening big enough. The Captain set him down close to the other wounded before moving over by the scouts. Obi-wan strained to hear the conversation. He was, after all, the highest ranking officer here...even if he didn't want to be._

_"Did you check the other caves yet?"_

_"No, sir. We just made sure this place was secure. Boil figured you'd want to have a look yourself,"The one answered, pulling off his helmet. He had a gotee, which surprised Obi-wan._

_"Waxer wanted to just go look,"The other shrugged, pulling off his helmet, revealing a clean shaven face except for a mustache. "But I talked him out of it."_

_"Good work. Go get some rest. We'll be here a while," The Captain softened a little, nodding to them as he turned back to Obi-wan and Obi-wan knew he had been caught. The Captain sighed audible as he moved over by Obi-wan. "How are you doing, sir?"_

_"I've been better,"Obi-wan replied causually. "And worse."_

_"You feel up to looking around, since you are the general here,"The man offered a hand. Obi-wan nodded and took it. The Captain pulled him up and offered him a light before moving down into one of the caves off of the main one. Obi-wan followed, ignoring the dark look the doctor was sending his way. Yes, he should be resting, but who knows how long this storm could last or what other things were taking refuge nearby. It would better to confront them out in the caves then back amoung the men, where there could be fatalities._

_They walked in silence for a good fifteen minutes before the Captain stopped, holding out his arm to stop Obi-wan,"Something is coming."_


	5. Chapter 5

_"Something is coming."_

_Those words and the Captian's arm stopped Obi-wan. He realised he'd been so focused on following the clone infront of him, he hadn't been paying any attention to the Force. Immediatly he started searching, feeling a large creature moving towards them, dark and menacing. The only problem? This creature was not native to this planet, which ment it had escaped from the cells at the stadium,"Captain, this creature is from the stadium."_

_"So it's used to fighting. Great," the Captian hefted his blaster, aiming down the tunnel. "You up for this, sir?"_

_"Up for what? Oh," Obi-wan looked down at his leg."Yes, I can handle this."_

_"Good, because Meds would hate me if I got either of us seriously injuried," the Captain slowly moved down the tunnel._

_"Meds?"Obi-wan followed, drawing his lightsaber._

_"The doctor. That's what the men call him," the Captain shrugged, stopping again as the stones around them started to shake._

_"Ah. Interesting choice in names," Obi-wan ignited his lightsaber, moving to the Captain's side._

_"Not my idea," Neither moved as a massive rancor stepping into their circle of light, sniffing. It's sightless eyes stared straight ahead as its head shifted back and forth, trying to find something._

_"I don't think I need to tell you, but don't move," the Captain hissed._

_"I know,"Obi-wan nodded, watching as the rancor moved closer. It tensed, its head dropping down to their level and sniffing, slowly inching towards them, stoping feet away before its mouth opened wide and it roared. Slobber rained down on them, completely covering them before the rancor stopped. The Captain slammed into Obi-wan as the rancor charged, saving both of them from being trampled. The Captain immediatly stood, shootong at the rancor, drawing it back towards them as it roared in pain. Obi-wan quickly moved behind it, waiting for the right moment. He jumped upward as the rancor lunged at the Captain, cornering him. Obi-wan landed on it's head, slashing downward, being rewarded by the rancor rearing upward. Obi-wan slid down its back as it slammed its head into the ceiling of the cave, knocking rocks loose. Obi-wan quickly dodged out of the way, unable to get a good look at the Captain as the rancor and the rocks slammed into the cave floor. Obi-wan stayed down till he was sure no more rocks were going fall. Then he stood, his lightsaber leaving and eery blue glow in the cave,"Captain?"_

_Dead silence. Nothing._

_"Captain?"_

_Still nothing._

_"Sir?" the voice was soft, sounding from the other side of the rancor. Obi-wan quickly moved around the dead creature. He was at first releaved to see the Captain, but quickly grew worried when he noticed that not only was he sitting, but his helmet was off and his back was to him. Obi-wan carefully moved around so he was standing infront of the Captain, worried. The clone looked up at him, one hand pressed hard against his left eye, blood trickling down the side of his face. His black hair was cut short in true military style. All his features were the same as all his brothers, but he was different. His brown eyes were deeper, sadder even. His face was older, darker possibly. He seemed to know more than the others, if it was possible."Sir, you alright?"_

_"I think I should be the one asking that question," Obi-wan carefully knelt next to the clone, turning off his lightsaber and turning on his glowrod, pressing it into the Captain's hand. "Let me have a look."_

_"It's not that bad,"he didn't move his hand. Obi-wan frowned, picking up his helmet and showing him the good sized dent and the missing glass, raising an eyebrow. The Captain sighed and carefully removed his hand as Obi-wan set down his helmet, wincing a little as he took in the damage. The area around his eye was starting to swell, already proving that a nice shiner was going to be evident the next day. The worst part was the cut. It looked deep, but head wounds normally bled more. It curved around his left eye, the skin around it pulled tight from the swelling._

_"I don't think that not that bad covers this,"Obi-wan sat back on his haunches, thinking. He didn't have any medical supplies on him and at the moment he didn't think he trusted either of them walking back. The Captain once again surprised him, pulling a mini med kit off his belt. Obi-wan nodded his thanks, quickly getting to work. "You have a name?"_

_"What?" the Captain frowned._

_"Do you have a name? You have Meds, Waxer, and Boil in your squad. What about you?" Obi-wan started tapping a bandage over the Captain's eye._

_"Most call me by my number,"the Captain spoke up after a few minutes of silence, soft and for once unsure of himself. "CC-2224, but some...my main squad...call me Cody."_

_"Well, Cody, my name is Obi-wan and right now, I'm thinking that you may want to get a new helmet," Obi-wan sat back to admire his handy work._

That had been right after he'd battle Dooku and Obi-wan hadn't realised how drained he was till Cody's men and come and gotten them. Cody didn't trust Obi-wan walking after pointing out his bandage was completely stained red. Obi-wan didn't trust Cody walking with only one eye. So, they had comprimised. Little did they know that killing the rancor would be their very first of many unique missions. Now, Obi-wan looked down at him, the smile slowly fading as he took in all the knew wounds,"My friend, I think you need more than a helmet this time."

Kota silently watched from the doorway, careful not to disturb the silent Jedi. He had always dreamed of the day that he would prove the great Obi-wan Kenobi wrong, but after what had happened to both of them, Kota didn't have the fight left in him. It was a miricale that his men stayed with him and he wasn't going to take advantage of that. Porter would be waiting on Utapua with Luminara, ready to get them out of there as soon as possible. Hopefully Kenobi would be of some use by then. Kota highly doubted that the clone would be moving much by then. Kota tried to make himself hate Cody, tried really hard, but it was impossible. After seeing how he had let his life fall to peices, Kota knew that no one could hate Cody as much as that man had hated himself when he thought he had killed Obi-wan. Now, just like everyone else on this ship, he hoped that man lieing in that bed lived long enough to be forgiven so he could die in peace.

 


	6. Chapter 6

After about thirty minutes of watching Obi-wan just stand there, Kota finally made up his mind. He cleared his throat real loud, surprising his fellow Jedi enough to make him reach for the none exsistant lightsaber supposedly on his hip. He shot a sheepish glare towards Kota as the older man moved into the room,"That's not the nicest thing to do to a man who's currently on the run."

"You live by yourself in the middle of the desert, Kenobi. Anything I do around you is not nice. You aren't used to people and that is your own fault," Kota held up a hand to stop Obi-wan from saying anything. "I don't want to hear about your reasons. The less we know, the better. I was just wondering how you were doing, seeing as Miss Offee already explained in great detail why one of us has to be here to keep an eye on him before we had Rex hit her with a stun bolt."

"You what?" Obi-wan's eyes grew wide in shock.

"It was the only way she was going to get any rest between here and Utapau. Luminara would have my head if I brought Barriss back looking like the living dead," Kota pulled up two chairs next to bed, indicating Obi-wan should sit. "So, answer my question. How are you doing?"

Obi-wan was silent for a few minutes before answering,"How do you think?"

"I think that you have a giant sign over your head that reads guilty and then right next to it, in smaller letters is furious. Am I right?"

A small smiled tugged at Obi-wan's lips,"Yes, that is true."

"Then tell me why," Kota leaned forward, his voice softening. "I've always given you crap about caring too much, but I only did that because I was jealous. It came so easy to you. What I'm doing right now is trying, so help me out here and tell me what's wrong before Mace gets wind of you sulking in a corner while watching your best friend struggle for his life."

Obi-wan looked down at his hands,"It's just...we were friends and I trusted him and then he goes and tries to kill me. I live for a year, a  **year**  believing that he absolutly hated my guts. Now I find out he lived that year like a droid, just barely functioning. If I had known what following that order did to him...maybe he wouldn't be...dieing." The last word came out choked. Kota rested a hand on Obi-wan's shoulder as a single tear slid from the younger Jedi's eye,"I just...I see how you act around your men. They're your sons, he was my son. I was so proud of everything that he did and then...he shots me in the back and then to find out that it wasn't really him, just something he used to be before he met me...it hurt."

"I know," Kota said softly, forcing Obi-wan to look at him. "You feel like you failed, but worst of all you feel like he failed and that is the worst feeling you will ever have, Obi-wan, but you have the chance to make things right. Jinn must still be looking out for you because he kept your best friend, you son, alive for you. No one, and I mean no one, could've survived like Cody has without some help. Now, he's not gonna make if he doesn't get some real help because between you and me, Jinn likes only doing so much. So, what are you going to do now? Gonna continue to sulk and feel bad for yourself, or are you actually going to do something about this?"

Obi-wan looked back down at his hands for a minute before looking back up, his eyes brighter and more confident than they had since Kota had first seen Obi-wan in that bar all those months ago,"I am going to do something about it. I'm going to be here when Cody wakes up and I am going to forgive him. I am going to help him heal."

Kota smiled, patting Obi-wan on the back as he stood,"And you'll be healed then, too."

_**I know its a little shorter than my last few, but I really needed this chapter. Obi-wan needed to start to heal before he could help Cody and Kota just seemed like the right guy for the job. What do you think?** _

__


	7. Chapter 7

He felt like he was floating in water. Really, really warm water. A comfortable type of warm, though, not the uncomfortable type, like it was too hot or too cold. It was just the right type of warm.

Why was he warm? He shouldn't feel warm. He shouldn't feel anything since he hadn't felt anything since...then...

So then why was he warm? Where was he? That should've been the first thing in his mind, not why was he warm. Okay, first things first. He needed to take in his surroundings. Now...

What was he thinking about? Why was he warm? Oh, surroundings! It was dark, like pitch black and he was really warm. What was going on? Did he get blown up again? No...

No, he hadn't been blown up. He remembered now. He needed to wake up.

* * *

Obi-wan was started awake by a groan. He looked over at Kota, who was blinking sleepily from his vigil on the other side of the bed. Well, it hadn't been Kota and it hadn't been him, so who was it? He looked down at where Cody had been laying and his heart nearly stopped. Luminara knelt next to the bed, her hands glowing a bright blue, thin tendrils of it curling around the injuried clone. The groan had come from Cody himself, his face slightly twisted in pain. Obi-wan looked up at Kota, his surprise echoed in Kota's face. The blue glow faded away as Luminara relaxed, her eyes slowly opening before looking up at the other Jedi,"Its about time you two woke up."

"When did you get here?" Kota growled, falling back into his grumpy old ways. Obi-wan almost laughed. It was now common knowledge amoung the Jedi that Kota was not as mean as he used to be. Well, the Jedi that were still alive. Kota had gone out of his way after Order 66 and rescued as many of the surviving Jedi as he could and brought them to safety with the help of his men.

"A couple hours ago. I decided to come out and meet you instead of waiting for you to arrive. I feared that he didn't have that kind've time and I was right,"Luminara rested her back against the wall, looking slightly tired. "I figured you two needed the sleep, so I didn't bother you. Plus, Barriss is still out, so I figured it would be best if I got as much done as I could before she woke."

"She's still out?" Obi-wan shook his head. "How long have we been asleep?"

"Not long enough," Luminara shot Obi-wan a disapproving look. "You and Barriss need rest and don't think Mace has not heard about this. He's going to be waiting for us when we get to base."

"He doesn't have to be," Obi-wan dropped his head down.

"You haven't been the same since we found you, Obi-wan. He has the right to be worried about what Cody coming to us will do to you," Kota smirked. "I warned you."

"I know you did,"Obi-wan focused back on Luminara. "So?"

"So I've cleared out the infection, so he should be waking up soon, but he will be in pain. I've healed as much of the serious damage as I can that is safe for both of us. Hopefully it will be enough until I can get him to a bacta tank,"Luminara looked over at Cody, who actually looked a little more relaxed. "If all goes well, we should be able to get him a new prosthetic in a few weeks and hopefully fix his hand enough so he can do more with it than pull a trigger."

"So...he'll live?"Obi-wan asked, his voice small.

"He had better,"Luminara took Obi-wan's hand. "We've put too much work into keeping him alvie. Now, I want you to go sleep in a bed."

"But...I should be here,"

"He's already awake," Kota said softly, drawing their attention to the bed. Cody was still on his back, his body still limp, but he had turned his head so he was looking at Obi-wan, his eyes unreadable at the moment.

"Cody," Obi-wan breathed, feeling like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

"I...I...k-killed...ya...y-you," Cody rasped out. "I...I'm...d-dead...too."

"No, Cody, no," Obi-wan moved so he was sitting on the bed next to Cody, resting on his hand on his shoulder. "You are very much alive. You left the Empire, remember?"

"K-kota...li...lightsaber,"Cody shifted his focus to the other Jedi."H-here...n-not..de...d-dead."

"Don't push it,"Obi-wan said softly, his heart crumbling as he watched his friend suffer. "Get some rest, Cody. You're safe now. I promise, no one is going to hurt you."

"S-sorry..." Cody whispered as his eyes drifted close.

"No, my friend, I am sorry,"Obi-wan whispered as a single tear slipped down his cheek.

 


	8. Chapter 8

"Why are you here?" Kota looked up from reading his datapad to the accusing eyes of Rex Tano, former Captain of the 501st and current husband on Ahsoka Tano. The man had a right to hate him, after all Kota had spent years battling to get the clones terminated. Now, however, they were working together. Of course, he hadn't assumed that Rex would trust him; he just figured he would have more time to come up with what he was going to say when Rex finally confronted him. Rex had been one of the few clones who were able to resist when the order had been given, safely getting Ahsoka away before his brothers could find her.

"Why are you?" Kota countered, setting his datapad aside as Rex moved into the room, taking the empty chair on the other side of the bed. Luminara had dragged Obi-wan out of here a few hours ago; threatening to force feed him before tying him to a bed till he fell asleep. They both knew that there were strong feelings of distrust between them, partially towards each other and partially towards the unconscious man in the bed between them.

"Ahsoka sent me back to check on you," Rex growled. "Answer my question."

"I am here because Mace asked me to keep an eye on Obi-wan," Kota shrugged.

"That's not what I meant and you know it," Rex crossed his arms. "Why didn't you kill him when you had the chance?"

Ah, that heavily loaded question had finally turned up. Kota had been expecting at least Luminara to ask but she had stayed quiet, "Because it would've killed Obi-wan."

"He could still kill Obi-wan," something shifted in Rex's eyes.

"Rex, you're gonna have to understand that people can change," Kota leaned forward, realizing where Rex wanted this conversation to go. "Cody nearly killed himself because of what he did and he's going to need us to fix this whole thing. You can't turn your back on him just because he made a few mistakes."

"He nearly killed Obi-wan," Rex snapped.

"But he didn't. If he had really wanted Obi-wan dead, he would've done it himself. Somewhere in his mind he still cared. He didn't completely let it take over. He tried to stop it and didn't realize he had," Kota shook his head. "Tell me, why are you really here. You don't really hate him, you never could. There's something more you want to talk about here."

"Yes, yes there is," Rex's eyes flashed dangerously. "Why are you helping us? We're nothing more than a few clones and our groupies. You could be off somewhere bragging about how you were right. How it was because of that plague you had warned everyone about got the best of the Jedi. How you were the only one who was safe because you didn't trust the clones."

"I could be doing that," Kota started slowly, knowing that would he said could send Rex over the edge or cool him off. Ahsoka and him must've argued again. Porter had said Baldwin had heard something from Odds that Rex had been really stressed lately. "I can very well see myself doing that. I almost did that, but that is not who I am. I had to sit on my ship and feel bits and pieces of me fall away as my brothers and sisters died because of men I thought were like you, but they weren't, now were they? No, they weren't because you are the one here, not them."

"What are you saying?" Rex growled.

"I am saying that I lost part of me that day, just like everyone else. I tried to set myself away from all of you so this wouldn't happen, but it still did. I was found like all the other Jedi. I had to suffer first. I fought throughout my childhood. I wasn't that much different than your general, the only difference being my family was a bunch of men who only knew how to fight, not raise an orphaned babe. They treated me just like one of them, which men instead of getting cuddled when I had nightmares, I was told to go shove my head up a bantha's ass. If Mace hadn't found me when he had, I probably would still be out there in the trenches fighting alongside my brothers. I watched the men who raised me died every day of my life and I didn't want to feel that hurt ever again, but I let myself get attached to my men and to some of the Jedi. I tried to hide it behind a mask of coldness and hate, but it didn't always work," Kota held Rex's gaze. "I abandoned my brothers the day Mace took me away. I wasn't gonna do that a second time."

Rex watched him for a few minutes of silence, neither giving ground before Rex blinked and nodded slowly, his anger fading away, "You really want to help us, don't you?"

"Not necessarily you, but Obi-wan and the others. You, you still annoy the hell out of me," Kota sat back, giving him a cold stare.

"So why didn't you really kill Cody?" Rex didn't back down, holding Kota's gaze. He knew there was more.

"I didn't kill him because he's suffered more than any of us. He deserves what we've all gotten and more. He's had to live in your shadow all through the war and get all the crap because he was the commander. He couldn't just go and hang out with his men like you did. He had to remain detached. Then he had to go and believe for a year and a half that he had killed the one man who knew it was all a lie. He let himself get used and abused and ripped apart. He stopped fighting. He wasn't just broken, he was pretty much dead. When he was me and Obi-wan and Barriss in that bar, he was getting his heart, his body restarted. He could've gone on living the way he had been if he hadn't seen us since he was really alive," Kota looked down. "He wasn't the one who deserved to suffer. We, the Jedi, did. We were too ignorant of the truth. Jinn had it right, he knew what was going to happen and we didn't listen. Now, this innocent man is paying for our mistakes. I'm just trying to pay back my debt, even if that means saving a clone's life."

"Well, that's good enough for me," Rex murmured, sitting back and watching his…brother. Yes, Cody was his brother, had always been his brother. He had just been misguided for a while. Now, they were going to bring him back. Maybe….maybe he could learn to forgive like the Jedi. He watched his brother without really seeing him, coming to terms with what all this meant. He didn't see the open, pain filled eyes or the thin frown that creased the face too old for the man who bared it.

He looked back up at Kota, "Thanks."

Kota looked up at him, understanding in his eyes, "I hope it's worth it."

Cody weakly looked up at the two of them, "So d-do….I."


	9. Chapter 9

Barriss stood in the doorway, watching the silent man in the bed. He hadn't spoken since those few words to Kota after finally regaining conciousness. That had been two days ago and they were going to arrive on Utapua in two more days. Cody needed to be able to handle whatever would be waiting for them. No one talked about it, but it was those unsaid words that were creating a thick cloud of tension onboard Cody's ship. They all knew what would be waiting for them when they landed. Most people would put on their happy faces to have all of them back and together, but underneath they would be planning the assasination of the Emperor's poster boy for the perfect Imperial trooper. It wasn't his fault that he had been chosen, Cody just happened to be Kamino's brightest and best specimens. Even back during the war, around a lot of people, he was rigid and strict, exactly what the Senators and Jedi expected of their commanders. So, if anyone was to blame for Cody's lack of social skill and his ability to acheive what was expected of him, it would be the people who made him the way he was. Of course, that didn't change the fact that Cody had completely shut himself off from everyone, including her. Good thing this hadn't been the first time this happened. She had to deal with Mace, hadn't she?

The two men were very similar in the fact that they carried the guilt of letting a good friend down and the friend knew it full well. Each believed it was their fault that Obi-wan had suffered, just from two very different yet related situations. Cody blamed himself for Obi-wan nearly dieing. Mace blamed himself for Anakin becoming Vader. It was still a mystery as to how Mace had survived. He remembered falling from the Emperor's office, then he was slammed into something. He woke up a few days later on board Kota's ship. Kota had said Mace had contacted him and he'd sent Porter and Baldwin to get him from an abandoned warehouse near where the Temple use to be. He had been cared for by someone, but they hadn't found anything pointing to who.

Another thing that drew them together was that Obi-wan did not blame either of them for something that he even knew was not his fault. He had long ago accepted that Anakin becoming a Sith was due to not his teaching but to his lack of emotional control. Anakin was already on the edge when Obi-wan had taken him under his wing. If anything, Obi-wan saved the galaxy from the little terror. Instead of being killed by a little boy, they could now look forward to a somewhat fair fight before a torturous death. To her, at least, things looked a little up. Obi-wan and Mace both had somewhat gotten over their guilt. At least, when it came to Anakin.. When it came to Cody...there was a lot of healing left in that department.

She took a deep breath and entered the room. All the other times she had come in, she had waited for Cody to talk, but he never had. This time, she was going to try a different tactic

She took a seat next to Cody, who didn't move, just stared up at the ceiling with his unblinking eyes. He was now firmly wrapped up in bandages since all of the infection was gone, but he looked even more broken, if that was even possible. She'd called Bly earlier and told him Cody's symptoms. Bly had said thats what he always did when he wasn't on a mission. Bly pretty much was force feeding Cody towards the end. Barriss reached out and gently rested a hand on his, "Codes, you with me?"

He didn't move, didn't make a noise. Barriss probed his mind with the force. He had walls up, walls that she couldn't get through, but that didn't stop her from feeling the waves of pain and guilt and anger he was struggling to hold back. Maybe on a better day they could tease Obi-wan about taking on two padiwans at one time. Maybe..."Cody, you need to talk to me. I know you won't talk to Obi-wan because you're afraid of what will come out. You won't talk to Rex because you know that he's still hurt from everything. You won't talk to Kota because you don't trust him, you never have. You won't talk to Ahsoka or Luminara because they won't get it. Talk to me, Cody, because you know I will get it."

Silence, but something shifted behind the walls. She was getting to him, at least a little bit, "Cody, you used to trust me almost as much as Obi-wan. You used to tell me things you wouldn't or couldn't tell him. Remember when you told me about those nightmares you were having? I helped you through those. Please, let me help you through this."

Still nothing. Barriss took a deep breath and leaned in closer, whispering into his ear so the people who thought they were hiding from her didn't hear (Obi-wan, Luminara and Kota), "Codes, I can't lose you again. I thought you had been...and then when we finally got in contact with Bail and he told us what happened, I knew you felt bad. You cut me off that day, you pushed me out and I know why you did that, but you have to let me back in. Palpatine and Anakin aren't going to look into your mind anymore. You don't have to hide from this. Let me back into your life, Cody, because I can't keep going like this. I can't just sit here and let you waste away, but I can't let the guys at Utapua get their hands on you, because I know I won't get you back. Let me help you."

Cody finally moved, turning his head to look at her, "Utapua?"

"Yeah," she nodded, wrapping her hand around his as she felt his walls shake. "That's where one of our bases are set up."

Cody blinked and his walls crumbled. Barriss held him close as everything he'd been holding in for the best 18 months finally came out. He didn't start crying, just shook a little for a few minutes as she whispered softly to him, stroking his head gently, telling him everything was going to be alright. When the tears did start, she crawled into the bed next to him, pulling him into her lap and rocking him gently, just like she'd done all that time long ago after Jabiim. It didn't go unnoticed to her the figure who now stood in the doorway, watching them, watching her...watching him. Barriss spared him a look before focusing back on calming Cody, continuing to rock him long after he had fallen asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

"Barriss," a soft voice broke through her sleep and jerked her awake. She looked up, blinking away the fuzziness that always came with the first few minutes of being awake. Obi-wan stood over her, smiling slightly has he held out a cup of caf. "Morning."

"What?" she tried to lift her hand up and discovered it was firmly gripped by another. She looked down and blushed, a smile coming to her face. Cody has huddled close to her, clinging desperatly to her hand as he slept in her lap. She was propped up against the headboard of the bed, her free hand resting on his back. She reached up with it and took the caf. "How long?"

"All night, peacefully," Obi-wan sat down, sipping his cup. "He deserved it."

"I know," she sipped her cup, carressing Cody's hand with her thumb. "Anything new?"

"Porter called to check in with you," Obi-wan smirked. "He didn't sound too upset."

"There is nothing between us," Barriss sighed. "He thought there was, then realised that it was just an older, protective brother thing."

"So why was he checking in with you?" Obi-wan raised an eyebrow.

"I...set him up with a friend," Barriss looked down. "And before I knew this was going to happen I asked him to let me know how their first date went."

"So he was calling about a date?"

"With a very pretty nurse. I think Kota will be happy to know his commander is in love with something other than his blaster. You were," Barriss gave him a knowing look.

"That was before I realised Cody being in a relationship meant late night visits and long talks," Obi-wan chuckled. "I'll have to warn Kota, although I do believe this is not Porter's first relationship."

"Too loud," Cody's groan drew them back to the reason why they were in the room. Barriss smiled, setting her caf aside and stroking his back.

"How are you feeling?" she asked softly as he looked up at her. His eyes had changed, no longer dark and lifeless. They were softer, older, almost back to normal, but there was still a barrier over them.

"Sore," he mumbled, trying to move. Barriss helped him shift so he was on his back, his head still in her lap.

"I wouldn't expect anything less," Obi-wan spoke softly, watching both of them with a look of concern. "Cody, we need to talk."

Cody looked at him, his eyes becoming more guarded before nodding. Obi-wan took that as he cue to keep going, "Things are going to be different, Cody, but one thing will not change and that is the way I see onyou. You will always be my friend, Cody, no matter what you do. Nothing you have done in the past 18 months was you. We don't need to talk about it now, but I want you to know that I do not blame you for anything that you have done."

Cody nodded, closing his eyes, shaking a little. Barriss gently rubbed his shoulders, speaking softly, "We have two days before we land. Just rest for now."

"They hate me," Cody's voice shocked them. It was cold and empty, emotionless yet full of pain. It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"That will change. You changed and they will know," Obi-wan rested a hand on his shoulder. Cody flinched under his touch, but Obi-wan did not move his hand, his face going dark. "It's still there, isn't it?"

Cody averted his eyes from both of them, the life slipping from his eyes, "No, but...I'm afraid it will come back."

"Cody, it won't,"Barriss shifted so she was sitting next to him. "None of the others have felt anything since that day."

"How many..." Cody's choked voice filled the void.

"You'll see soon," the gruff voice from the door surprised them all and they looked up to see Kota watching them. He moved closer, watching Cody. "Quite a few hate your guts."

"Rahm!" Obi-wan growled, moving to stand, but Kota pushed him back down before sitting in the chair next to him, watching Cody.

"You don't trust me, do you, Commander?" Kota broke the silence. Cody looked away.

"I'm not that man," Cody whispered.

"You see, I don't believe that. I know he's still in there somewhere and I know for a fact Porter is looking forward to sparring you again," Kota leaned forward, not moving his eyes. "They're gonna baby you, but you need to be ready for what's waiting on Utapau. Do you even know what you've done since 66?"

"Yes...and no," Cody mumbled. Obi-wan wanted to step in, but Barriss sent him a look, telling him to wait. She knew something he didn't.

"That's what I thought. You've become the poster boy for Imperial troopers. The public doesn't know yet that you left, that you were demoted. All they know is that you are a Jedi killer. Are you gonna live in that shadow?" Kota sat back. "Don't answer me now. Get some rest, Mace will be waiting with some others. We'll need everyone ready for a fight."

"I can't..." Cody weakly lifted his hands. His right hand was the better of the two, only his trigger finger showing any real signs of abuse. His left hand was permanently curled in on itself.

"That didn't stop 99," Kota caught Cody's eye. "Make him proud, just like you made Kenobi proud."

Cody looked away, falling silent. Obi-wan looked at Barriss, knowing she had a general idea what he was feeling. She sent them a small smile, continueing to massage his shoulders as he fell asleep, but the worry was still there. They were getting somewhere, but for how long?

 


	11. Chapter 11

Cody slowly came to, feeling sore. He hated waking up, always hated waking up. If he could, he would stare at the ceiling all day, not getting up. He got a few of those days every so often, like when they were traveling to a new location. It was always grey and lifeless, like him. It would all be in one piece, no seams, no faults, unlike him. So, much to his surprise, he opens his eyes to find a white ceiling hovering over him, not grey. Did he get hurt on the last mission? That would explain the white ceiling. But it didn't explain why he was comfortable, actually comfortable or why there was someone holding his hand. All the nurses were afraid of him and no one out their cared enough to keep him alive if he couldn't be pieced back together by bacta and cheap medical supplies.

"He's waking up again," someone spoke softly nearby, male and oddly familiar. Cody turned his head and immediatly regretted it as he neck and upper torso complained loudly. He winced and closed his eyes. Why was he feeling pain? Normally they had him so drugged up they had to stun him to get him to slow down.

"Cody?" this time the voice was female and a small, soft hand brushed his forehead. Cody flinched away, now very worried. Had he been captured by the rebels? No one called him Cody anymore and it would explain why he wasn't drugged at the moment. The rebels probably didn't know that he was constantly drugged. Supposedly it was the only way to control him, according to his "superior" officers. "Cody, open your eyes, please."

"Nah," Cody managed to mumble out, his train of thought constantly interupted by random bursts of pain here and there. His prosthetic was gone, he could feel it cause at the moment his knee hurt the most.

"Cody, are you alright?" the male voice was back, this time closer. Still familiar and he still couldn't place it. "Cody, are you in pain?"

"Gonna kill...you, rebels," Cody groaned, forcing his eyes open. Wouldn't his officers be proud. Wait, why was he saying that? His officers weren't here, he could do what he wanted. "But yeah...I hurt."

The man standing over him was frowning, concern in his eyes. His face was now covered by a brown beard flecked with grey and his hair was longer than the last time Cody had seen him, but there was no denying the resemblence. Obi-wan Kenobi was standing over him, no lightsaber in his hand, looking concerned, "Cody, do you remember how you got here?"

"Here?" Cody slowly moved his head this time, pushing through the pain. His eyes fell on the familar furnishings of Vader's personal bedchamber before they fell on the small woman sitting on the bed next to him, her hand in his crippled one. Just seeing her brought everything back. "Oh, god!"

"Easy, Cody, "Barriss gently massaged his hand, her eyes never leaving his face as his eyes snapped shut. "With all your injuries, its expected that you'll forget from time to time. Just relax."

Cody slowly opened his eyes once again, only this time they were guarded, "You shouldn't be here. I'm a traitor."

"I'm not leaving you. Not ever, "Barriss took his hand in both of hers. "Not again."

"You'll get hurt. Both of you, "Cody glanced at Obi-wan. "They aren't just going to let me go."

"Cody, have you looked at yourself lately?" Obi-wan grabbed a mirror as a took a seat next to his commander. "I think they'll think differently about you just by looking at you."

Cody looked into the mirror held up infront of his face and paled. His once masculine form was now reduced to a bundle of flesh and bandages. Bruises faded into his skin all over his face. Scruff now covered his chin and his once well kept hair was now matted and fading into silver. His once bright brown eyes were now almost black from lack of light. Had he really let himself go this badly? He looked away, ashamed of himself. Much to his surprise, a small, gentle hand cupped his chin, gently forcing him to look up at Barriss,"I don't care how you look. None of us do. We just want you to get better."

"I'm sorry, "Cody mumbled, trying to pull away. Barriss held firm, her eyes becoming sad.

"Don't be. We should have done something. You shouldn't have been left to fend for yourself," Barriss lower her face to his and gave him a soft kiss on his lips. Cody's eyes grew wide and his heart grew warm and light. It had been so long since they had kissed...since he had even thought about her. He'd given her his heart that night after Jabiim.

_*The night after the Battle of Jabiim*_

_Cody slowly limped down the dark ward, checking his men. All of them were asleep and healing...more than he could say for his general. Cody dropped his head down, quickly moving out of the ward so any of the men who were awake would see his pain. He'd successfully avoided all of the medical personal all day. He knew exactly what would happen. They would drug him up and send him back to Courasant to get evaluated and then he'd be forced to have a Jedi tagging along with him til they decided he could handle the..._

_Cody stumbled into his room and locked the door. He flopped onto his bed, still in full gear, but he didn't care. He didn't care about anything anymore. He'd failed for the first time in his life. He hadn't been able to protect his general. Kenobi was..._

_Cody rolled over, snapping his eyes shut. He couldn't go there. Wouldn't go there._

_"Cody!"_

_Cody's eyes snapped open. The city burned all around him, his men's cries filling the air alongside the smoke and ash. Kenobi knelt next to him, looking concerned, "Cody? You with me?"_

_"Yeah, sir," Cody groaned, trying to get up. He hurt everywhere. Kenobi helped him stand, possibly looking even more concerned._

_"We have to get you out of here, "Kenobi got a firm hold on Cody and led him back towards where the transports should be. "Cody, you do realise you're bleeding?"_

_"Now I do, "Cody kept his gaze straight ahead. He wasn't going to look. The next thing he knew there was fire all around him and Kenobi was yelling at him to run. Cody looked back in horror. Kenobi stood in the middle of the fire, his eyes wide in fear in pain as he was consumed by the flames._

_"NO!" Cody cried out, his eyes snapping open, sitting up and breathing hard. He found himself back in his quarters and he wasn't alone._

_"Calm down, Commander. I just want to help," a soft hand rested on his bare arm. Some one had taken his armor off and pulled his body glove off his chest. He jerked away, falling to the floor and coming up, his pistol aimd at the intruder. A small girl sat crosslegged on his bed, her hands up and her eyes wide._

_"Who are you?" Cody's voice sounded raspy, even to him._

_"My name is Barriss Offee. I was sent by Master Luminara to check on you. Please, you are hurt and I think we both know that if you don't let me help you, you'll be sent back to Courasant and locked up," the girl slowly lowered her hands. "Please, I want to help."_


	12. Chapter 12

_"Please, I want to help," the girl's green eyes bore into Cody's and he realised she was being sincere at the moment. She didn't mean him any harm. He slowly lowered his pistol, slidding it into its holster that had been dropped on the floor._

_"How did you get in here?" Cody slowly stood, his legs feeling weak and shaky. He hurt, a lot and everywhere, but especially his left leg. He looked down at it, seeing that Offee had started to take off his armor, which was badly burned._

_"I picked your lock. My Master would not be happy if I came back without checking on you. She is greatly concerned," Offee slowly relaxed, watching Cody. "Please, let me treat you. You're leg is already infected and who knows how much worse things could get. I think Kenobi would want you to keep fighting."_

_Cody looked away, his eyes dropping to the floor as he sat on his bed, remembering what had woken him. Kenobi's screams echoed in his ears and his eyes burned into Cody's, all the pain, the fear. Cody covered his ears and squeezed his eyes shut, a single tear slipping from his eyes. He had let his general down. If he hadn't been hurt, if Kenobi hadn't been so concerned..._

_A soft hand rested on his shoulder, making him jump. He looked up into Offee's eyes, seeing concern and guilt in her eyes. She pulled his hands from his ears, taking them firmly in heres as she knelt next to him,"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. We won't talk about it til you're ready. Just let me check you over, okay?"_

_Cody nodded, afraid to speak. He was afraid what would come out. He didn't want to fall apart in front of a Jedi and especially a padiwan. Then tended to go tell their masters everything. Look at Ahsoka, she told Anakin everything, well almost everything. When it came to Rex...things became very selective._

_Barriss gently pushed Cody back, worry on her face at how responsive Cody was to her touch. He didn't fight her at all, just did what he was told. She could tell he was fighting his emotions right now and she could only fathom what was going on in his mind. He had watched his general get burned to a crisp and then had to keep going, no breaks til 24 hours later. To top it off, he had been wandering around injuried and no one had noticed til Master Luminara and herself had arrived. By then, Cody had disappeared, hiding from the outside world. No one deserved to be so alone after such a tramatic event._

_Barriss' hands flew over him, using the Force and regular healing to patch him up. She would feel better if he was in the medward and had access to a bacta tank, but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. She knew his fear all too well, Master Luminara had sensed it and expressed she had felt the same way. If Cody was brought back to the medward, the officals would drug him and immediatly transport him back to Courasant to be evaluated. For now, they would wait til things calmed down and Mace showed up. He knew the commander better than anyone but Obi-wan, he would know what to do._

_Cody flinched away when she started on his leg. She had healed up everything else enough so that it would heal properly and not get infected. She stopped, looking up at his face. He was staring at the ceiling, his eyes filled with pain as tears flowed down his cheeks. Barriss looked down at his leg and knew the tears and pain were not from his leg. It hurt, yes, but the pain in his eyes was deeper than a severe burn and a fractured bone. She spoke softly,"You fractured a bone in your calf. I'm going to mend it back together so you can safely walk on it a little. It will hurt."_

_"Do it," Cody's voice was soft and raspy, weak. He didn't really know what to do anymore, Barriss realised. Everything he had ever done in his life had been for his general and now he was...gone. Barriss focused on his leg, drawing her thoughts away from those darker images. She reached out into the Force and gently pulled Cody's bone together. She heard him grunt, but kept going. She was almost done. Cody gave a small whimper and Barriss was done. She grabbed some bacta patches and gauze and quickly wrapped up his leg before looking at him. His eyes were squeezed shut, his face pale, his breathing rushed. Barriss feared he was going into shock from the healing, but then he spoke. "No...sir, go..."_

_"Cody, wake up," Barriss shoke him gently, realising he was having the same dream he had been having when she arrived. Cody's eyes snapped open, falling on her, fear etched in the lines on his face. Barriss, moved to his side, helping him sit up and massaging his back. She had learned this with her own squad when they were having troubles. "Its alright, I'm here. Just breath, just breath."_

_Cody dropped his head to his hands, breathing hard and shaking, trying not to cry. Barriss just kept to rub circles on his back, waiting..._

_"He's...he's dead...because...because of me," Cody finally gasped out, taking deep, shaky breath._

_"No, he's not, Cody. Don't blame yourself," Barriss murmured softly._

_"If he hadn't stayed back with me, he'd be alive," Cody brought his eyes up, tears silently falling._

_"Cody, he wasn't going to leave you, just like you wouldn't leave him," Barriss pulled him close, letting him cling to her has he cried, giving him an anchor til he found his way again in the world._


	13. Chapter 13

_Cody slowly came to, feeling better than he had in a while. He was comfortable, very sore, but comfortable. Some one had wrapped a blanket around him, keeping him warm. He struggled to remember where he was and why he was there. From the smell, he figured it was his room, but then a whiff of burnt armor hit his nose and everything came rushing back. He buried his head into his pillow, trying to block out the screams, Kenobi's pained filled eyes, the flames reaching for the sky, his own pain and guilt washing over him. He felt the tears building in his eyes and he didn't try to fight them. He didn't care anymore. He had fought yesterday, or at least what he thought was yesterday, when Offee had been there, but not anymore._

_A hand fell on his shoulder and he found himself being pulled into a warm embrace,"Shush, Cody. Its gonna be alright."_

_Soft hands stroked his back, sending chills over his body. No one had ever touched him in such a way. No one had ever cared that much to stay with him or come check on him...other than Kenobi and 99...and they were both dead now._

_"Just breath, Cody, nothing's going to happen. Mace is here and he's scared the officals off," the voice finally came to him. It was Barriss Offee, the padiwan. What was she still doing here? He forced his eyes open and looked up at her. Her eyes were sad but she had a soft smile on her face. "How are you feeling?"_

_"Mace is here?" Cody asked softly, his voice raspy._

_She nodded, looking a little guilty,"You were having trouble sleeping...so I kinda used a trick I learned. You were in and out of it for a while. Its been three days."_

_"Three days?" Cody sat up, stunned. He'd slept for three days. Three days! Yes, it had been aided with the Force, but three days! He had been allowed three days of rest!_

_"Yes," she smiled, moving to the edge of the bed. "I can give you some time to freshen up if you want."_

_"Ah..."for the first time, Cody noticed how grimy he felt. Only moments earlier, he'd been ready to give up on life. Now, this padiwan was changing all that. What was happening to him? "Yeah...I should go check on my men."_

_"Your men are fine. They have been transferred to Mace's command for the time being," Offee stood. "When you are ready, I will show you your new command."_

_"My...my new command?" Cody stood as well, his leg feeling a little shaky._

_"You have been transferred to my squad. For the time being, of course," Offee watched him closely as he limped around his room, collecting some cleaning supplies. "You will be transferred to another squad as soon as you are healthy."_

_"Oh...when will that be?" Cody turned to her, rubbing his face with his free hand._

_"When ever you want," Offee shrugged, moving to the door. "Whenever you feel you can handle it."_

_Cody stood in the middle of his room, watching the closed door for the next few minutes, trying to figure out why his heart was racing._

Cody had spent the better part of three months working with Barriss and their relationship had flourished. Neither wanted to admit their true feelings in fear of their duties, but the unspoken conversations were still heard by both. Barriss had been his lifeline until Alpha had called, saying they had found Obi-wan. Cody had been happy to get his men back together and to see his General alive, but he was going to miss the little padiwan. Of course, he didn't have to miss her for long. Somehow, Obi-wan and Luminara ended up doing quite a few missions together, so Cody didn't have to go far to find the comfort he found he could not live without.

Cody slowly opened his eyes, pulling away from Barriss. Barriss frowned, about to say something but Cody cut her off,"Hurt."

"Oh, sorry," Barriss smiled, standing. "I'll be right back with something for the pain. Don't push it."

"Yes, ma'am," Cody smirked slightly. It felt like a part of him had been awoken by just the touch of Barriss. She always had that affect on him.

"Cody," Obi-wan's soft voice broke through Cody's thoughts and he flinched out of habit. Too many dreams had done that to him. "Cody, I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to know why you did it, Rex and the others have already explained it. All I want to know is why you stayed."

Cody looked up as Obi-wan sat in the chair by the bed, his eyes old and sad but trusting. He had aged, just like Cody, only not as drastically. Cody looked away, feeling ashamed,"I told myself I was going to leave. Made plans...but it never happened. I had nothing left...I thought I had killed it all."

"What about your men? Didn't they mean anything to you?"

"I never spoke to them again after that day. I didn't...didn't want them to end up like me. Before I could realize I had a choice...I got into a new training program..." Cody slowly lifted up his arm, pulling up a sleeve carefully placed by Luminara to hide the damage beneath. Barriss and Obi-wan had not touched it, respecting Luminara's silent orders. Now, Cody pulled it away, revealing a pockmarked arm. Needle scars covered the thin arm, making it even more distorted. "They wanted the perfect soldier. They found drugs that would give them that. They didn't realize the side effects till it didn't matter. Who cared if a man couldn't control simple motor controls. As long as he gets the job done, whats a few more shots for nutrients or a few less free hours. Keep him locked up and clam while off the battlefield and no one would need to know. So what if he no longer feels pain, there are plenty others to take his place. You just had to keep the original in one piece long enough to build another. I had three months left before I was shut down. I...snapped. Too many drugs in the system, too much pain. Everything else...people pushed me the rest of the way. Maybe take me the long way to the medward after a battle. Maybe let the codes for a hanger slip into my hand. Maybe give me a blaster."

"Maybe give you hope," Obi-wan nodded pulling the sleeve back down. "Enough, rest. We have a whole different war ahead of us and I need you to trust me."

"Got your six, boss. I won't let you down this time. I promise," Cody nodded.

"That's all I ask," Obi-wan smiled, patting Cody's arm gently.

 


	14. Chapter 14

Two days had passed since Cody's groggy wake up. Rex was sitting on the bridge, having finished setting up landing specs with Alpha and Mace. They were a day out and they didn't want people seeing things before they could be properly briefed. He hadn't gone and talked to Cody, hadn't been able to find it in himself. He had too many emotions going through him, even after talking to Kota and then to Luminara...and then Ahsoka. It was just that he still felt mad. At Cody for being so stupid and believing no one was there for him and for following the order. But that anger, he could understand. He'd felt that way before, he himself had almost pulled the trigger when Ahsoka had turned to him and asked what was wrong. If that was all he was angery about he could go and talk to his old commander, but it wasn't. He was angry with himself for letting his ego get in the way of trying to support a friend. Cody had needed him but all Rex had seen was a traitor. He didn't try to see Cody's view, none of them had. He wasn't the only one to hear the order, his men probably had. He had to chose between following a direct order or possibly being blown to hell. Plus, Cody was an older clone, his training hadn't been as flexible as Rex's had. It was hard for him to ignore an order. Rex had seen it many a time first hand. Cody could do it, but it would eat at him afterwards. No, what was killing him the most was completely ignoring his friend, just writing him off as another casualty in the war. Thinking he could have been replaced.

The clicking of hard rubber against metal caught his ear and he turned his chair to see Cody struggling to hobble through the door on a pair of crutches. He was looking better now, still bandaged up but he was gaining a little weight. Barriss was practically forcing food down his throat every minute he was awake during the day. How he had changed when Barriss was around him. He looked like there was some life left in his battered, broken body. Barriss had informed them all that it would take some actual surgery, but they could completely heal his right hand since the only major damage was to his trigger finger. His left hand...it was as though someone had beaten it everyday with a hammer. What ever had been done, and Rex serious believed it was one of the side effects of the drugs, it would never go back to being the way it used to be. That wasn't going to stop them from trying, though.

Cody was breathing hard, pale and sweaty, making Rex believe he had snuck out of his room. Crazy old geezer. Rex stood, moving to Cody's side before he did anymore real damage. It didn't get past him that Cody had tied up the right leg, just below the end of the stump. He pushed aside the crutches and lowered Cody into a chair," Crazy di'kut. You never have listened to a doctor."

"Why start now?" Cody flinched a little at Rex's touch, but relaxed when he realized it was helpful. So, he too had no idea what to expect out of this. "So...you and 'Soka?"

"Yeah, I couldn't just leave her when..." Rex froze, unsure of what to say. Too early?

"When the order went through?" Cody looked up at him, pain in his eyes. Rex thought it was directed at him, but then Cody shifted his right leg, letting out a sigh of relief. "Sorry to make this awkward."

"No problem, you do that often," Rex shrugged, sitting down. Cody checked the crutches to make sure they were in reach before turning to face him. "You grew out the blonde."

"What? Oh, yeah," Rex ran a hand through his now dark blue hair. "Sokie likes it this shade. Don't ask me why."

"What's next? Mohawk?" Cody tried to smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. Rex had seen enough.

"Look, Cody, you need to trust me. Don't trust anyone else if you want, but you need to trust me. The guys see we're back on good terms, they'll leave you alone. Guys see you tense and this flinchy thing around me," Rex waved a hand at Cody as he leaned forward. "They think you can't be trusted and do something rash."

Cody was silent for a few moments before taking a deep breath,"You willing to trust me? Cause it has to go both ways. They see you don't trust me, I'm screwed."

"I've seen what you've done to yourself. I've seen what others have done to you, "he nodded to Cody's hand. "I've...forgiven you. I forgave you the minute I saw you in the bar."

"I must've looked like shit," Rex was surprised to hear Cody actually laugh and smiled when he saw it reach Cody's eyes.

"Worse off than that druggie Odds nearly ran over," Rex nodded. "I just need...I need you to forgive me."

"For what?" Cody frowned, confused. "What did you do?"

"I abandoned you. I promised I would always come back for you and didn't," Rex looked down. Something hard slammed into his shoulder, knocking him out of his chair. He looked up to see a very pissed Cody holding a crutch, ready to strick again.

"Don't you ever blame yourself for this. Never! You hear me? I did this all to myself. I ignored you!" Cody hissed. "You were the one who called after it happened and I didn't answer. You tried, I didn't answer. You came to the bar. You still came back. Get that kriffing idea out of your head now or I will beat it out of you."

"Alright, alright! Calm down!" Rex rubbed his shoulder, crawling back into his chair. "Put that away before you do any real damage."

"He already has," Kota laughed from the doorway, leaning against the doorjam. "You ego just deflated about three sizes."

"Barely coming up on radar," Cody smirked a little. So, Cody was on good terms with Kota. Just his luck, both were out to make his life miserable while still getting valid points across.

"Shut up, both of you."

 


End file.
